Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Roll Awards

(Part 1) by Amy Platon

Ok, I’m not sure what this says about my standards, but there is something rewarding about stumbling into a clean, well-kept, well-designed public restroom. So I thought I would return the favor with this little rinky-dink award ceremony.

Before these awards began, I was just as unassuming as the skirted stick figure on the door of the women's bathroom (minus the brail dots). Now I’ve turned into, well, a bathroom snob. Don’t worry I always use my powers for good and not evil.

What good you ask? Well I'd like to present, Dun dun nah, the Scribble Ink Cafe list of the top three public restrooms in O-town, complete with honorable mentions. Welcome to the one and only: Roll Awards.

I figure most people have been, or will be in the future, traveling to Orlando at some point in their childbearing life. If not, well keep reading, cause this story is funny and all the winners are national chains so you may have one near you to visit on your own.

At the very least, the one thing we all have in common is that we have, or will have to, at some point, use a public restroom. If you have not and don’t intend to use one in the future, then you are dismissed - but don’t think we won’t talk about you when you leave, cause that’s just weird.

So here’s the first award. In third place and with much debate, the Empty Roll Award goes to...Ikea!

(Ikea could not be with us today to accept their award, so I will accept it on their behalf.)

What I loved about this bathroom:

It’s clean!
They have bathroom checks throughout the day and the best part is that they do them.

The bathrooms have a neutral color pallet.
It’s white. And why is this important? There’s nowhere for funky stains to hide. This way I figure I know just what I’m stepping into.

Their toilets offer flushing options.
Ikea is eco conscious so you flush up for pee and flush down for poo. The toilet only uses the water it needs to flush the appropriate waist. The only thing I question is weather ladies actually flush accordingly. Cause let’s be honest, they call it a flush handle but we use it like a pedal. So, if you’re in Ikea and trying to pedal the flush then you’re poo flushing every time. Hmm.

The bathrooms have short sinks for the little ones.
They have sinks that are kid height. That just putts them at the top of my list. Cause no matter what happens in the stall, a good hand washing can cure it. I love that I don’t have to nearly break my kids in half to help them to reach. Bonus: the water got hot too. How can you kill any germs without hot water?

The thank you gift.
Ikea goes above and beyond by offering the use of a hand lotion dispenser to protect the layer of skin you just scorched off during hand washing. It's just like getting a lollipop at the bank, thanks for depositing with us! Have a wonderful day.

The experience is Fabuloso. You emerge all ready to shop, empty bladder, clean (and soft) hands for both you and the kiddos!

Ikea: Well thank you. Ikea is honored to receive this prestigious and limited award. We look forward to serving you and your bum at any of our national locations….Alright, alright, times up! Off the mic.

Visit again for my second place winner, to see just who will have the honor of receiving the Half-Used Roll Award.


  1. Excellent summation. I think we all know the worst are roadside gas stations. There's not enough paper in the world to coat that seat down well enough for me to sit on. And you are lucky if they have water that comes out more than a trinkle-trinkle, not to mention soap.

  2. I really hate the mystery water puddle. Here's a question, if your twenty dollar bill fell into the mystery water in a public restroom, would you pick it up?

  3. Thanks for visiting my blog(s). I appreciate you taking the time to stop by and leave a comment.

  4. sounds very enticing ;-)
    stopping by for a last minute visit from UBP - party on :-)

  5. That's good! I could name a few national chain store that have filthy restrooms.

    Thanks for stopping by my new blog, Bloggers Connect and participating in the fun!

  6. lol! If I ever make it to the Orlando area, I'll be sure to come back and check the awards!

    Thanks for stopping by RefreshMoments during the UBP. Drop by again today and next Tuesday to check out our ongoing "Ruby Tuesdays" and to get your name in the hat a couple more times for the "Afternoon Tea in a Box" giveaway!

  7. Too funny! I love the petal description - it is very accurate. It always makes me laugh in the office building to hear women hobbling around to try to flush.